Being Female, But Outside the Inner Circle

(CC BY 2.0) Flickr user hangmy nguyen

(CC BY 2.0) Flickr user hangmy nguyen

“Moms’ night out.” “Girls’ night out.” “Nail wraps.” “A day at the spa.” “Out with my besties.” “Mani pedi!” All of these phrases and activities leave me cold.

I can’t be the only female who feels this way. Bear in mind that I’m very much a cis female, heterosexual, in a committed relationship with a man. And yet I don’t feel a camaraderie with women. I am much more comfortable hanging out with men. Except when I’m not. Sure, occasionally a woman will say something about women and I’m like, “Hell yeah. You nailed it on the head.” But most of the time I’m left confused. I feel like there is a club that I qualify for but wasn’t issued a membership card. I just sit on the sidelines, watching. Not wishing to be invited, but also not knowing where else to go.

I was never one of those girls (or even young women) who planned and envisioned their wedding day before it was a possibility. Though I do like to occasionally dress up, in skirts and everything, most days I much prefer to be wearing comfortable clothes and sensible shoes.

I’ve always been this way. I preferred Legos to Barbies, computers to makeup. I wasn’t a tomboy, so growing up I didn’t ever quite fit in with boys either. I’m something in the middle, I guess. I haven’t ever found a gender-based group of people where I fit in. Generally, that’s okay. It’s not necessary. But sometimes you feel the lack.

Still, I know that there’s nothing wrong with me. People come in all kinds, shapes, colors, preferences, and interests. And if you’re like this too, there’s nothing wrong with you either.


4 thoughts on “Being Female, But Outside the Inner Circle

  1. zooey says:

    The thing about girl’s night outs, manipeds and such are, to me, too centered on girly things I don’t care about either. I have never even had a maniped. Cripes, don’t touch my feet, stranger! Social media as made these a way bigger deal than they used to be. I remember ‘coffee with Cindy’ or other friends, was just that, coffee and talking with a friend in the neighborhood. Pretty simple female ‘bonding’ time. Much of the ‘girly’ crap that gets promoted is just that, promotion. It’s not about building relationships, it’s about spending. Better not to be a part of the spending crowd. I don’t have a membership to that club, nor do I want to pay the dues.


    • Jenny Bristol says:

      It’s also about group female dynamics. I’m all for meeting up one female friend for a cup of tea and talking. But a bunch of women together is usually a different dynamic with a different agenda. I don’t get warm fuzzies from being around women like a lot of women do.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. rockinlibrarian says:

    Yeah, I’m that woman, too. I’ve noticed I feel very much the token female when I’m hanging out with guys, but when hanging out with girls I feel– not MASCULINE, but not quite “girly” enough. I’m actually VERY feminine in a lot of ways– gentle, emotional, motherly, loving pretty things and flowy dresses– just not the ways our modern society likes to sell. Yeah, the “Gifts for Her” lists are always totally uninteresting to me! I’m very much not comfortable in groups that are into those sorts of things, but I’m definitely not comfortable in super manly company, either. I like the nerdy middle!


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